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with a woot woot here and a woot woot there...not Friend's Only! you're special!! [30 Jul 2004|10:25pm]
1) Using band names, spell out your name:

e-eiffell 65 BIYATCH!
r-R.E.M.!! Randy! Rilo Kily however the fuck it's spelled! fuck yeah motherfucker. wow that made sense LIKE WHOA.
n-nick drake

I wish my name had an 'h' in it because then I could have put in the all-time-super-stars HOOTIE & THE BLOWFISH because they are THA BOMB fo shizz.

2) Have you ever had a song written about you?: no

3) What song makes you cry?: see you soon-coldplay
4) What song makes you happy? notorious by duran duran

5) What do you like to listen to before bed? ben follllllds

HEIGHT: 5'6/7"
HAIR COLOR: blonde
SKIN COLOR: um, whitish ALMOST tannish but mostly white hellz yeah
EYE COLOR: blue with...shh...orange stripes. seriously!!

r.i.g.h.t n.o.w
WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?: grey and lighter grey and red and then the Olympic rings colors
WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO?: Brick-ben folds but OH HOLD UP it just ended so now it's They-Jem
WHAT TASTE IS IN YOUR MOUTH?: uh my spit? haha i dont think thats a taste though
WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE?: hot hot heat! woohoolikewhoa and um, humid. and rainy. it's crap weather. I love crap weather, though!

d.o y.o.u
HAVE A BAD HABIT?: yes i walk in circles a lot and um, stuff like that

TV SHOW: oh screw you I don't know. anything on VH1
CONDITIONER: nourishing oasis...V05
BOOK: uh woo I just forgot WHOA that's weird. but it's a really good book.
MAGAZINE: cosmoGIRL! what are you gonna do about it, motherfucker? I'm a big fucking loser like that, TOO BAD! I like my loserdom.
NON-ALCOHOLIC DRINK: oh uh WHOA Coke. that's bad. I'm addicted. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'm addicted to Coke!!! I'm telling my mom that.
ALCOHOLIC DRINK: he...he...vodka mixed with...anything non-alcoholic. shh don't tell my mom that though!
THING TO DO ON THE WEEKEND: nothing I hate my life WOO wait. what do I do on the weekends? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I babysit!!
my life RULES!!!

group- um um YOU and THEM and US and The Bens dude
Singer- Elliot Smith and Chris Martin
Rapper- Snoop Doggy DOGG!

h.a.v.e y.o.u
BROKEN THE LAW: probably..oh YEAH I totally did. three times. not counting any drinking I have or have not done.
SNUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE: no nowhere to go!
EVER GONE SKINNY DIPPING: hell YES I love skinnydipping when I can!!!:)
EVER TIPPED OVER A PORTA POTTY: no but now I have something to think about
USED YOUR PARENTS' CREDIT CARD BEFORE: no well I mean not without their knowledge. I'm a good girl...minues that whole law-breaking thing.
SKIPPED SCHOOL BEFORE: uh YES you idiots what do you take me for? a NERD? NO. a LOSER yes but a nerd NEVER I'm too stupid.
BEEN IN A SCHOOL PLAY: um, not acting but I might try out.

GIRLFRIEND: hm. no but again, no I have something to think about!
CHILDREN: I don't knoooow
BEEN IN LOVE?: yes I believe so
HAD A HARD TIME GETTING OVER SOMEONE: um, yeah. sort of. yes okay YES fine I'm all EXPOSED now I have nothing to hide.
BEEN HURT?: NO. yes you losers. wait no I'm a loser!
YOUR GREATEST REGRET: NONE regrets are for doodooheads!

DO YOU HAVE A JOB: yes I just got it I haven't even gone in once yet but I hate it.
IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?: orange because orange is fun
WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?: stuff! money when I need it, man. rednecks! I love rednecks. they are so awesome. and music. music is good.
WHO MAKES YOU THE HAPPIEST?: um ME and funny people. actually no not me because I make me really mad sometimes. WOW I'm a schizo!!!
WHAT'S THE NEXT CD YOU'RE GONNA GET?: dude I have no idea
WHO DO YOU CONSIDER GOOD FRIENDS?: the world is my toaster~
WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?: listen to rednecks talk about stuff and say stupid things, listening to anyone say stupid things, realizing when I've said something really REALLY stupid. um. things like that.

w.h.e.n / w.h.a.t w.a.s t.h.e l.a.s.t
TIME YOU CRIED?: WHOA I think it was all the way back on Monday. but I'm not sure. I probably have since then, actually. I'm a big baby.
YOU GOT A REAL LETTER?: from TinkerMange a little while ago
YOU GOT E-MAIL: whenever the last person commented on something I said/replied to a comment I wrote. hehehehahaha I have no friends who love me enough to email me! actually no email just sucks. it doth bite the proverbial big one, you pimps! ladies is pimps, too. FYI.
THING YOU PURCHASED: WHOA I have no idea. OH YEAH ice cream last night
MOVIE YOU SAW AT THE THEATER: uh OH DA GONE I can't remember. I think Spiderman 2.

y.o.u.r t.h.o.u.g.h.t.s o.n
ABORTION: too long don't feel like typing Concerta's worn off no attention span...
TEENAGE SMOKING: you're gonna die and I'll say I TOLD YOU SO, MUTHAFUCKA!
SPICE GIRLS: rock my world, man. TK and I have a dance to Wannabe and it is the SHIZZ if I do say so myself and I did so HELLZ YEAH.
DREAMS: are fun and cool and exciting but often really weird and funky and involved a big hunk of ADAM last I remember!

.: are you :.
[ understanding ] I think so
[ open-minded ] quite, I believe
[ arrogant ] not really I hope not even though I rule at everything
[ insecure ] yeah sometimes but usually I just don't care
[ interesting ] I guess you could call it that...
[ random ] LEMON!
[ friendly ] usually
[ smart ] that's silly!
[ moody ] sometimes, yes
[ childish ] most of the time
[ independent ] sort of
[ hard working ] im very lazy
[ organized ] no. I think all organizational tools are the work of the devil.
[ emotionally stable ] no not really I don't think
[ difficult ] YES!
[ attractive ] no
[ bored easily ] ADHD is FUN! and so yes
[ thirsty ] as a matter of fact, yes! are you watching me??!
[ responsible ] um, not about myself, but other people yes
[ obsessed ] um, not really no I don't think but maybe probably yes
[ sad ] no, actually NOT AT ALL! IT'S A FIRST! WEEE!
[ happy ] sometimes
[ hyper ] YES YES YES WOOT!
[ trusting ] no not really
[ talkative ] hi I never shut up

.: who do you want to :.
[ kill ] no one murder is bad but um yeah sometimes there are people
[ get real wasted with ] YOU!
[ get high with ] YOUR MOM!
[ look like ] I don't know.
[ talk to offline ] EVERYONE
[ talk to online ] EVERYONE

waHOO that was fun, too!!!!!
4 lost their way please find me

[19 Jul 2004|02:55pm]

neon_smokeyeyes Highway
Childbirth Hospital8
Mt. Happiness23
Loony-Bin Lane136
Valley of Depression508
Please Drive Carefully

Where are you on the highway of life?

From Go-Quiz.com

I don't know if I like that "Childbirth Hospital" being so close...
please find me

[12 Jul 2004|05:53pm]


supafly. ch-check it out.

please find me

the ocean.... [04 Jul 2004|01:14pm]
[ mood | ..... ]

still I'm falling darkens deeper

into that lonely well

of this endless, lightless dark

that is inside myself


not a shouler here to cry on

nor a lap to rest my head on

my tired eyes and weakened self wonder if I can go on

out of this place where I've been lead


a dark that scares those others near me

the looks of wonder what goes on

what's wrong with her? how screwy she be

pretend I am invisible; keep moving right along


does no one realize how I'm

truly terrified of this dark place?

there's no footing should I try to climb

the walls of time are caving in; I'm running out of space


I can only wait for your hand to reach in

to help me out to help me breathe

but the people pass my like a clearance bin

whilst they're in search of expensive things.


little version of myself

I see in a picture frame

still I had my mental health

and no guiltiness or shame


little girl inside of me

are you still there? do I scare you?

did you ever dream that you would see

you do these things we do?


pulling pieces of myself

we bleed; it's crimson red

little me, time is true wealth

young minds don't see when they grow and are dead


we die with age

each year or two

heartbeats slowly fad

into a sky of azure blue


little person I once was

do you still sing happily?

and eat without the wondering "what does

anorexia mean, honestly?"


baby girl, I think we've died

dead inside of ourselves

oh baby, sweetheart, I swear I've tried

to keep dust from frames upon the shelves


oh, little me inside my head

I cry to think how I've hurt you

each day I try to keep my head

above rising water: trying to save you


little version of myself

insidea  picture freame

I'm truly really heavy sorry

through tears of red I cry our name.



can I really not control myself beyond this?

just keep the shined blade from my arm

it's just that easy, I swear. it is?

unto myself I've done the harm


still stinging like a sunburn

still not who I want to be

I don't think I'll ever learn

to keep my hands away from me


I want this mark to last

then I will bleed no more

slash quickly quickly; go very fast

what am I fighting myself for?


things just seem to fall

apart when I'm around

you work; progress grows tall

in come I; it's on the ground


explosions mixed with thunder

tears mingling with the rain

listen hard to hear them whisper

secrets of delirious joy and mindless pain


ears cannot tell apart these

two sounds of such great strength

I see the moon I'm on my knees

the storm and fire's length


"Time," says the Clock, "always ticks by"

cloathes soaked so deep it goes unnoticed

arguments so unsteady my

deliberate hand must raise in protest


sight too blurred with sheets of rain

sight has become oblivion

the thought is pain

my taste is a new vision


think of what others are


run my fingers over the scar

so deep my mind is sinking


emotions mix with inhibitions

but I want to be so brace

scars are born of slight incisions

to my heart my mind will cave


thoughts mingle with sharp streaks of light

across a moony sky

I fly freely with a fear of flight

fear is no more that believable lies.


a voice heard only through a hole

a hand held across a sea

distance soon to take its toll

what if it's not meant to be?



beliefs are uncertain

religion is confused

where I'll be tomorrow; who I'll be the next day

none of that is known


I just have to trust intuitions

people tell me I have more than most

I know when people reach out

because I reach to touch the moon


under a ceiling of nothing

and dampness beneath my feet

what am I walking on?

but what am I walking to?


none of that's "decided" yet

and if that isn't true

I guess I'm headed straight to hell

but it's alright 'cause so are you


my mind is far too tangles

and confused to be made up

my thoughts are much too mangled

and abused to be thought of.


I'm just so scared that if I try

I'll find out that what I'm fighting for

doesn't really exist at all

and death is all that's left.


please find me

if something's wrong it doesn't sound the same [01 Jul 2004|12:29pm]



2 lost their way please find me

I looked for love but I had none [14 Jun 2004|09:30pm]
and how did we get here today, my sweet
by the hearts on our sleeves or the wings on our feet?

have I been to Hell and back?
stood torn by myself at the door
staring at their abysmal blue
eyes that reflect my own

looking over my shoulder
notice the sky above me
matches the tempting eyes
that remind me of a distant memory

you could have fooled me with that smile
I'd have sworn I saw a twinkle in
one of those parrallel eyes of yours
and heard its glint above the winds

the eyes in Hell I looked into
past the door
staring into their abysmal blue
azure blue that match my own.
4 lost their way please find me

I'm going to need the devil to save me [14 Jun 2004|09:18pm]
I can no longer hear the ocean
I only hear your empty lies
the ocean outstretched before me
tells me to run from you; never fall I can fly

I guess my rivers and oceans of tears
weren't enough for you to take
because now I realize you stole so much more
I never saw the reality of fate

and so I'll scream back in your face
"I hate you for what you've done"
I may have lost this battle
but this war is not yet won.

I see you in the light
at night you're in my head
the daylight makes me love you
in the dark I replay what we said

you seem to say you see me
the way I look at you
I feel like you want me
as bad as I want you

when your eyes lock inside me
I'm willing to give my soul
just for you to feel about me
because how I feel for you is taking it's toll

when you speak you write a song
you sing the melody
every note that's held is long
let me be your melody.

I lay awake, insomnia
my mind is blank, annoyance
I think too much, paranoia
don't think enough, ignorance

my mind is racing, speed
my body's blinding, vision
watch carefully, read
my body bleeds, incision

so hungy and I want to eat, sick
so tired but cannot sleep, damn
stomach pleads incessintly, quiet
gentle, gentle, tenderly, lamb

thoughts come diguised as riddles, imagine
paper waints with patience, empty
still hungry but not eating, famine
a thought of death lingers there, tempting.
please find me

don't look now but I lost my shoe [14 Jun 2004|09:04pm]
being in love is heartbrake
don't get sucked into the scam
if you try can't take it
it'll burst your emotional damn

which causes the tears to flood
streaming senselessly down your face
frustration grows with your blood
so you cut until the light's but a haze

some people die in this fashion
bleeding and hurting just to end the pain
we're living out death in passion
so find someone else for the blame

cuase you can't just end it all
just cause someone rips you apart
keep your pride and stand straight and tall
every sunset leads to a new rise and new start

cause love can just be a lie
don't let it's perfection trick you
if you have to ask me why
you haven't been listening, have you?
please find me

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