still I'm falling darkens deeper
into that lonely well
of this endless, lightless dark
that is inside myself
not a shouler here to cry on
nor a lap to rest my head on
my tired eyes and weakened self wonder if I can go on
out of this place where I've been lead
a dark that scares those others near me
the looks of wonder what goes on
what's wrong with her? how screwy she be
pretend I am invisible; keep moving right along
does no one realize how I'm
truly terrified of this dark place?
there's no footing should I try to climb
the walls of time are caving in; I'm running out of space
I can only wait for your hand to reach in
to help me out to help me breathe
but the people pass my like a clearance bin
whilst they're in search of expensive things.
little version of myself
I see in a picture frame
still I had my mental health
and no guiltiness or shame
little girl inside of me
are you still there? do I scare you?
did you ever dream that you would see
you do these things we do?
pulling pieces of myself
we bleed; it's crimson red
little me, time is true wealth
young minds don't see when they grow and are dead
we die with age
each year or two
heartbeats slowly fad
into a sky of azure blue
little person I once was
do you still sing happily?
and eat without the wondering "what does
anorexia mean, honestly?"
baby girl, I think we've died
dead inside of ourselves
oh baby, sweetheart, I swear I've tried
to keep dust from frames upon the shelves
oh, little me inside my head
I cry to think how I've hurt you
each day I try to keep my head
above rising water: trying to save you
little version of myself
insidea picture freame
I'm truly really heavy sorry
through tears of red I cry our name.
can I really not control myself beyond this?
just keep the shined blade from my arm
it's just that easy, I swear. it is?
unto myself I've done the harm
still stinging like a sunburn
still not who I want to be
I don't think I'll ever learn
to keep my hands away from me
I want this mark to last
then I will bleed no more
slash quickly quickly; go very fast
what am I fighting myself for?
things just seem to fall
apart when I'm around
you work; progress grows tall
in come I; it's on the ground
explosions mixed with thunder
tears mingling with the rain
listen hard to hear them whisper
secrets of delirious joy and mindless pain
ears cannot tell apart these
two sounds of such great strength
I see the moon I'm on my knees
the storm and fire's length
"Time," says the Clock, "always ticks by"
cloathes soaked so deep it goes unnoticed
arguments so unsteady my
deliberate hand must raise in protest
sight too blurred with sheets of rain
sight has become oblivion
the thought is pain
my taste is a new vision
think of what others are
run my fingers over the scar
so deep my mind is sinking
emotions mix with inhibitions
but I want to be so brace
scars are born of slight incisions
to my heart my mind will cave
thoughts mingle with sharp streaks of light
across a moony sky
I fly freely with a fear of flight
fear is no more that believable lies.
a voice heard only through a hole
a hand held across a sea
distance soon to take its toll
what if it's not meant to be?
beliefs are uncertain
religion is confused
where I'll be tomorrow; who I'll be the next day
none of that is known
I just have to trust intuitions
people tell me I have more than most
I know when people reach out
because I reach to touch the moon
under a ceiling of nothing
and dampness beneath my feet
what am I walking on?
but what am I walking to?
none of that's "decided" yet
and if that isn't true
I guess I'm headed straight to hell
but it's alright 'cause so are you
my mind is far too tangles
and confused to be made up
my thoughts are much too mangled
and abused to be thought of.
I'm just so scared that if I try
I'll find out that what I'm fighting for
doesn't really exist at all
and death is all that's left.